It’s always a little scary to go into a sequel when you loved the original so much. As you may remember, the original Stumptown Tart still holds as my favorite beer of all time. So when I heard they were remaking it with a new formula, I was super hesitant. I was also however super impatient, so without waiting for it make it to the local store, I drove downtown to pick up a bunch of bottles from the Bridgeport Brewery. (Before I go on, I would like to point out that buying beer at the brewery is ridiculously cheaper than buying it at the store. Still love you — Belmont Station!)

So I fired up the BBQ, poured a bottle into a cool glass, and took a sip. Now, when I went to the new Star Trek movie last week (awesome!), it took a while to really get into it, because I had to put out of my mind the movies and shows that had come before it, and accept it on its own (Winona Ryder?). This beer was much the same. I finished the whole bottle, but actually refused to do any reviewing at all until I had a second bottle (not right away…geez I’m not that much of a drunk).

It was after finishing off the second bottle with Grandpa Goodbeer that I decided this beer had really come into its own. It’s a cherry wheat, which if Sam Adams is any indication, can be done very, very wrong. Luckily, Bridgeport knows how to do what so very few brewers do, and that is to make a fruit beer that doesn’t feel like you are getting a swirly in a beer tinged fruit salad. This stuff is great. The fruit is really low key, and the aged ale gives just the tiniest hint of sourness.

The only downside was reported by the wife, who had a real problem with the smell of the beer … which to be honest did have a hint of ‘wet dog’. Luckily I’m a mouth breather with allergy congestion, so this issue evaded me. Still, I figured I’d mention it just to warn you ’smell endowed’ folks.

In all, although ST2 isn’t quite the elixir of love its predecessor was, its still a super awesome beer. Not Wrath of Khan, but way better than Matrix Revolutions. Movie analogies now exhausted, it’s further proof that Bridgeport is the ‘awesomest of awesome’ craft brewery around.

Any beer that labels itself “pilsner” scares me a little. I mean, I went college…I’ve been to bars on nights filled with military guys on leave. Even though nasty domestic beers are the farthest thing from a true pilsner, I can’t help but have visions of the old Coors cans my Grandpa used to put his cigarette butts into. Presumably to make it to taste better.

With their third offering in the LTD series, Full Sail has done their best to rescue me from years of therapy required from my previous pilsner experiences. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my liver, and I can once again drink a pilsner and not have to wear a wifebeater or listen to Larry the Cable Guy.

This stuff is great. Super light, super smooth. Its crisp on the first sip, and knows to back off just in time for you to say “ahhh”.

And what’s more, it has earned a coveted spot alongside Bridgeport Haymaker in the official Frosty Goodness July 4th Beer Cooler. A true honor. Congratulations, and thank you Full Sail. May nary a cigarette butt ever cross your bottle.

       Have you ever tasted the syrup used in soda fountain machines, the stuff they mix with seltzer to make yer Mr. Pibb?  If you can recall that super-concentrated, thick flavor, you have a decent idea of Belhaven’s “Wee Heavy” beer — this stuff could be diluted 30-to-1 with hosewater and you’d still have more flavor than Budweiser.  This is a beer advertised as “milkshake-like” by the folks trying to sell the beer.  It’s so thick that it can’t even manage a decent bubbly head — even the bubbles rising to the top seem slow and weak, as if they were subjected to pressures greater than in seafloor trenches in the Pacific.  Animal life growing in this beer would soon evolve away their eyes, like the albino fish that live in caves.  In the universe of beers, this is the neutron star, with a density such that a thimbleful weighs more than a mountain.  Scientists are measuring the gravitational-lensing effect of light bending around bottles of this beer.  (Guess who watched the Discovery Channel while drinking beer?)

     Despite all this, despite this being the absolute no-contest thickest beer I’ve ever had, it was actually really good.  The moment you first sip a mouthful, you cringe a bit, because other beers this intense are usually so packed with flavor that the top of your head caves in (see, for example,  Samischlaus).  But not this one — somehow they have balanced all the flavors just right to make this a nice bit o’ brew.  I could see myself drinking a few of these, though it probably has more calories than if I had drank a pint of ranch dressing.  It would likely be a nice beer for the holidays, the time of year we’d be quaffing billion-calorie syrupy drinks like eggnog anyway.  I heartily recommend this beer for those of you not afraid of a little richness in life — enjoy the very first of my reviewed brews that gets top score.

Anyone who remembers SwillJockey’s post from last year’s Brewfest will remember how much fun we had with the crushing horde of humanity there (It wasn’t fun!). I thought for sure that my days at beer fests were over. Luckily, thanks to the miracle of the internet and a timely mention by my buddy Mister Q,  I was able to discover a mini-me version of Brewfest over in McMinnville aptly named Brews & BBQs. With a name like that, how could you go wrong?

Smaller (WAY) smaller, but still fun, the B&Bs (I shortened it cause I’m lazy) was a fun little excursion with the combined brood of Mister Q and our own Frosties.  Despite not getting to drink too much (what do you mean kids don’t like to wait around while daddy gets drunk?), there were a few memorable sips worth noting.

Block 15 - Aboriginale

I’d never heard of these guys, but they made some of the really good beer at the B&Bs. Aboriginale, seemed to be one of the more popular ones (as the pourer made sure to tell me), but in truth was a bit too hoppy for my taste. It actually reminded me of the HUB review a ways back. Despite not getting any more than the obligatory one token sip, Mister Q went back for a full glass, so I’ll give this the “not for me, but what the heck” - 3.

Block 15 - Honey Wit

It’s summer! (I’m ignoring the fact it just rained on us). All you people who like IPA’s are just wrong. A tasty, sweet wheat ale is what summer is all about. For the Missus, this even deserved a mug and a half (Love ya hon!). Bottle worthy.

Cascade Brewing Razzberry Wheat

Everybody knows of that one grandma or mom who has that guest bathroom full of those funny smelling shaped soaps. Have you ever wondered what those taste like? How about what they taste like as a beer? I don’t wonder anymore. Raspberry, with a glycerin chaser.

Full Sail Keelhauler

Winner!! I have been hesitating to buy this at the local beer pusher for fear that “Scottish Ale” meant headbutting you and kicking you while you’re down. But now I just feel ashamed for doubting my kilt wearing brethren. This stuff was great. Light on painful hoppy-ness, balanced and worthy malts, and a pinch of greased Scotsman. If its not Scottish, its crap!

I called it New Belgium’s “last stand”, and it appears the Alamo survives another day. It’s labeled as Sour Brown Ale, and holy cow is it. Pucker up buttercup. But in truth, damn tasty. Having had a few “Oak aged” beers now, I can tell what flavor that is, and New Belgium does it excellently.

Sam Adams on the other hand, takes a beer type I generally enjoy, Bock. And turns into something more like BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCKKKKKK!!! Like punch you in the face with malt Bock. This stuff was terrible and totally undrinkable. Tastebud attack!!

As you know, the original Stumptown Tart is one of my favorite beers. When we heard the run was ending, SJ and I of course headed out and bought as many bottles as we could. As time has passed, we have dwindled down to the final bottle. (No!) But lo and behold, it looks like the Champion Brewers of Bridgeport have decided to bring it back! In name at least. This time around, instead of the beloved marionberries, local cherries will be used instead. Will it continue the trend of awesomeness? Bridgeport’s track record says yes, but we will reserve judgement until we get well drunk on it at the release party. Oh, yeah, the release party. Go, and let the guys know that fruity beer is what Oregon summer is all about.

Stumptown Tart Release Party
June 25th, 2009  5:30 - 8:00pm   (or until you pass out…ie: 5:45)

Bridgeport Brewpub
1313 NW Marshall St.
Portland Oregon

More details at their site.

This is a strange post for me. Normally, I sit here and comment how beer I don’t like is brewed of the devil, and only suitable for cleaning the sink. So here I sit today instead, having just had a beer that truthfully I didn’t like. And yet… I don’t have anything bad to say.

By all accounts, I would consider HUB’s Crosstown Pale a good beer. It’s not cheek smashy, not bitter, not burnt, not watery. In other words, nothing like Widmer beer. It’s only flaw really was that it was just too hoppy for my tastes. Slightly less hops, and this would have been a superstar. I drank the whole thing, but I really don’t think I would ever buy it again.

On the bright side, since it’s made locally, it’s an organic beer. That way, the hops that turn me away weren’t also pesticiding my insides.

An hour or so ago, I made a Twitter entry that proclaimed my intention to drink this, given that I had nothing else in the fridge. “In the land of the thirsty, the one starred beer is king” it proclaimed. Well, it turns out that the land of the thirsty is a lawless place. Not even my desire for a beer could get me choke down this swill.

Hoppy where you don’t want it, tart in the rest, its just some kind of beer experiment gone wrong. Like, the flavors so bad that they decided to overcompensate by adding citrus “flavors”. “Needs more dog” as the saying goes.

You know, the bottle has this tagline on it. “Brewers of Quality Beers”. Really? My sink doesn’t agree. Don’t get me started on Widmer, whose business lobby makes you pay for little things like tatoos and stickers. Somewhere along the way, local Oregon brewery turned into cash obsessed money machine. And the taste of the beer seems to gone along with it.

In a move that has the stockholders in a tizzy, I’ve managed in this review to combine my heretofore unrelated themes of Nasty Malt Liquors and Imported Oddities.   Today, we consider a product of the Polish brewery Okocim, a brew they named “Mocne”, which I presume is Polish for “Malt Liquor” and not some sort of slang contraction involving acne and some other body part along the lines of “bacne”.  Now before you start cringing at the anticipation of Polish jokes, let me assure you that I won’t go there — I’m Irish, and I’m rating beers, often quite bad beers, so I really can’t throw stones.

As for Mocne, I can’t decide if I’ve been duped or not.  They’ve gone ahead and put “Malt Liquor” on the label — does this indicate a foriegn-brewery lack of knowledge about the stigma associated with Malt Licka’s here in the U.S.?  Or have I purchased Poland’s equivalent of King Cobra, thinking it was a fancy import, despite them giving me fair warning on the label?  The fact is, it’s not nearly as bad as domestic Malt Liquors, but it’s not nearly as good as the specialty quintuple-boch-uber-malty brews that must technically be called Malt Liquors because of their alcoholic content, but nevertheless are quite tasty.  The flavor has a faint whiff of whatever domestic malt liquor reeks of.  The head had that same super-fine-grained soapy bubbliness that you see in cheap 40’s, industrial solvents, ocean foam in Newark, but never in a decent beer.  I have to conclude, therefore, that this beer is to King Cobra what Harp’s Lager is to Budweiser — an imported, better-quality yet essentially in the same family of beverage.  Since being the Best of the Malt Liquors is a distinction akin to being the professional bowler with the fastest 40-yard-dash time, I’m not sure what the point really is for this beer.  If you were somehow constrained to the world of malt liquors forevermore, this is your best beer choice, but if you’re in this situation then you really have more pressing problems to deal with…

As I will be heading up to Seattle tomorrow, I thought it appropriate to finally mention how much I dig Naughty Nellie Golden Ale. As a matter of fact, in the fridge these days are several bottles of Nellie’s curves, taunting me to drink. You know how the naughty ones are, “don’t have milk Frosty…look at my sexy yellow bottle.”

Ok, if I’m calling a bottle sexy perhaps I’ve had enough beer already. But the point is that currently, Nellie is in the running to unseat Haymaker as the 2009 Summer Easy Drink’r. Its light, its tasty, and has none of the armpit taste that some golden ales seem to have.

If the Pike folks happen to read this before I make it up there tomorrow, make sure your wi-fi is running. Frosty wants some Pike on tap, and as that girl I met on the college road trip can attest to, there is no better way to get me going than to get me a little drunk and put me online.