I will start off by saying that with the buttload of beers available at the 2008 Brewfest, I’d halfway expect to find an overly hopped keg of something brewed with Charlton Heston’s Soylent corpse amongst the offerings.  If I was to name it, it might be called “SOYLENT NRA IPA”.  This would be a good thing, even though I probably wouldn’t be inclined to swill a glass of anything brewed containing Martha Stewart’s Soylent corpse in payment for stealing her catch phrase.   That would be wrong in oh so many ways.

Wrong in oh so many ways was the sheer glut of people at the Brewfest early in the day on Saturday.  Frosty and I were somewhat surprised by the enormity of the crowds and the lines for beer.    These things in isolation may not have been horrible, but with the site arrayed as it was, you couldn’t navigate through the crush of people to find where the beer lines ended and where the slothful masses of Portland decided to park their beer swilling asses.   Even so, I did manage to try four offerings and was increasingly disappointed as each foul, but temptingly named, brew assaulted my gasping taste buds.   I was ready to put the poor things out of their misery after taste #3, but tried one more swill hoping to salvage what few remained.

Next year I think I may offer up my services as a ‘Beer Logistician’ and try to inject a little bit of sanity and order into the festivities that have clearly outgrown this outdated setup.  Maybe then I can make better beer choices too.

The one bright spot of the hour or two spent in this roiling sea of humanity was the short trip to the “Beer Chips” tent to pick up a snack and a eye full of the gold lame wrapped models selling $1 bags of chips.   Both the chips and the models were things of beauty.  Alas, only one of the two were we allowed to shove in our mouths and that ended up being the chips.

We tried two of their three varieties.  The baseline “Beer” flavored offering was fantastic.  Salty, slightly sweet, and faintly beery.  A fantastic chip all around.  The Spicy Bloody Mary chips weren’t spicy and only very faintly “bloody” by tasting vaguely of ketchup.   Not a fantastic chip, but still very edible.  I was hoping for something different and didn’t get it with the Bloody Mary chips.  My reviews are often tainted with the disappointment of crushed expectations.   Can’t win them all.

Assuming that I’m willing to man-up and attempt another Brewfest run next year, it’ll definitely be the plan to show up right at opening on any of the four days of the run.  Any later than that and beer loses its appeal when you have to grind up against humanity in order to sample the questionable Brewfest offerings.   Till next year……