Our next installment of the Beers of Evil comes to us from jolly old England. Brewsters Brewing Company has the distinction of being one of the few breweries with a female brewmaster. Kudos to you sister. And kudos on this beer! Wicked Women Mata Hari is named after a World War I woman labeled as “Europe’s queen of unbridled eroticism, an exotic dancer, courtesan, harlot, great lover, spendthrift, liar, deceiver and thief.” She was later convicted by the french, virtually without evidence, of being a spy for Germany and was executed by firing squad. If that’s not inspiration for a beer, then I don’t know what is.

I’ll admit, I was totally gun shy after installment one. For no good reason, I cringed as I started to drink this beer. But you know what, it was good! Its a nice copper colored ale, with a real smooth drinkability. It has a bit of fruity wheat taste, kind of like the summer wheats I dig so much. All in all, quite enjoyable. Sort of the British equivalent to “Easy Drinkin’”.

In addition to the good taste, I also have to give kudos to the Brits for the bottle. It has that funny British bottle shape, but unlike their smelly southern neighbors, it holds 1 pint, 9 ounces. That my friends, is appreciation for the drinker. And just another reason why England won the war. I’m not sure which war, but damn it I’m sure they won.

     A beer from Monty Python’s comedy crew, brewed (I envision) by stiffly-moving british police in a hand-cranked meat grinder.  I of course picked this up purely for the label, as being a card-carrying geek I would proudly drink any beer brewed by Monty Python, Dread Zeppelin, They Might Be Giants, rock tumblers, graphing calculators, 24-sided dice, etc.  (I could go on…)  I know I’m being suckered by niche-marketing, and I know the true beer snobs will complain this is the wrong way to pick a brew.  But let’s face it, you’re not reading Walt Liquor’s beer reviews on this site for my nuanced palate, are you?  (If you are, I urge you to read my Grammy-award-winning series of reviews on Beers Whose Artwork Can Kick Your Ass.)

The joke of the label itself is a little broad, given the off-kilter Monty Python humor — the beer artwork says “Holy Grail”, with the “GR” crossed out and “ALE” written in below.  Yes, thanks, I got the joke — broadcasting your joke that loudly I’d expect instead from something Jay Leno pasted to a black card, not from the folks at Monty Python.  And yet, the beer is actually really tasty…  it’s got a nice thick ale taste to it, something you might imagine enjoying with a bratwurst or salt & vinegar chips in a British pub somewhere.  I had figured that an essentially gag one-off beer would show the signs of a lack of priority on taste, but it’s the real deal.  Of course after five straight reviews of the very worst in beer (again, see my Stanley-Cup-winning series on Beer Whose Artwork Can Kick Your Ass), Formula 409 might get three out of six from me at this point.  For that reason I give myself a handicap of one off my first impression of 5 out of 6 for this beer.  I heartily recommend it.   And I wear high heels.  And I like to press wildflowers…

After a long day of eating bonbons and polishing my toenails, there is nothing I want more than a smooth and flavorful beer, straight from the bottle. (Yes… I surpass the middle man. I am not a pansy who needs to pour it into a glass first!) Blue Moon’s original Belgian style wheat beer is just the ticket for such a grueling day. It is refreshing, light, and still full of flavor. The Blue Moon Website even suggests having a slice of orange with it. (Sorry, can’t get the slice through the bottle opening so I will have to take their word for it!) I recommend this one for a relaxing evening in the hot tub, or if you don’t have one, drink it in the shower… I don’t care.. just drink it! It is yummy!

As I sit here looking at the snow covering my lawn, I can’t help but think the beer in my hand is somewhat inappropriately named. Still, I have nothing but good things to say about Rising Moon, the “spring” offering by perennial favorite Blue Moon. It’s smooth, its tasty, and seems to absolutely lack any matter of aftertaste. Which is good, because too often beers that would otherwise be tasty, end up leaving a taste in my mouth like I just chewed on one of skylark’s socks.

It’s also got just a hint of lime in the initial flavor, which is kind of fun. Hopefully it’s enough lime to keep SwillJockey from drinking “Miller Chill” during the Super Bowl. Speaking of Super Bowl weekend, since the outcome of the game can only make me sad, SJ and I may use it to finally have the New Belgium vs. Blue Moon, supreme brewery showdown.  The more the patriots (lower case on purpose beeotches) score, the drunker I’ll need to be.

Where do you get your hair cut? Supercuts? Great Clips? Berts Barber Shop down the Street? Suck-cut? The same place you get your nails done? I graduated from Supercuts in college, moved up to Bishop’s (the original Rock ‘n Roll Barbershop) and then on to Hair M. The full-service, man-focused, hottie-populated hair do has become non-optional. I think it was the 5-minute crop I got from Great Clips for $5 (not worth a nickel) that did it. It was like bad prison sex (or what I imagine bad prison sex is like… Carlos keep your mouth shut, I have friends on the inside).

Ever since being violated with a pair of scissors at Great Clips, I have taken great care in selecting my hair care professional. I’ve started going to Chopperz and have found it to be an awesome place. I’ve written about them before but I’ll do it again. I seem to be recycling beer reviews but there is a good reason. If you need a reason to stop getting your hair butchered/raped at Supersucks or Rape Clips, this is it: BEER. Go to Bishop’s, Hair M, or Chopperz and you’re going to get beer. At Chopperz, you’re going to get more than just the standard Hef, Guiness, or High Life (Bishop’s, totally perfect). At Chopperz they’ve got their own brews. I’ve written about them before but they just happen to have some new ones. I made a special trip after work so I could have a sample.

I tried the Smoke Porter and man, was it a surprise. Winter time drives me away from Hef and lager towards Porters, Stouts, and Ales. There is something about a good IPA or Nitro Stout that makes the winter months more enjoyable. Anyway, I found the Smoke Porter had just the right amount of burnt-chocolaty flavor but didn’t try too hard. It was easy to drink like a lager. Unlike most of my winter time beers, which are best enjoyed with well spaced sips, the Smoke urged me to have another drink.

So, next time your at Supercraps, ask them for a beer. When they look at you sideways, think about upgrading your hair care professionals. Of course, chances are your ex-prison barber will reach under the counter and hand you an Old E. Trust me, that isn’t a goog thing.

As a father of three, one of which arriving in the last 2 weeks, it is odd that I am writing to you completely alone in my usually busy house. With a new baby boy, two pre-teens, and a wife who I love to talk to, it is very odd indeed.

I returned from my indoor soccer game (we won, 10-3… yes!) to find the house empty. The whole fam damily was off visiting Grandma. I stopped at my local New Seasons picked up some meatloaf, some garbanzo bean salad, and the first pint and 1/2 that caught my eye. I love the selection at New Seasons. It makes choosing a beer hard, which is a good thing in my book.

It came down between El Hefe, a hef from Seatle’s Hale’s Ales and Laurelwood’s Vinter Varmer. I was about to buy both but I decided against upon inspection of El Hefe. Being from the home of Widmer Brewing, I expect my Hef to be golden and cloudy. I could see right through the bottle, and like my drinking water, I don’t trust anything I can see through. With that I vowed to try the El Hefe some other time and buy the Vinter Varmer. Also, I have to admit the label had me at the cute little squirrel (he drinkin a pint!). I am a sucker for label designs and this was no exception.

Fresh from my soccer victory I was feeling great as I sat down to enjoy some meatloaf and American Chopper. The Vinter Varmer was a perfect match for the meatloaf. I love meatloaf and it made me yearn for some Raccoon Lodge stout gravy. This stout had a nice carmely finish with rich undertones. Not your typical burnt-chocolatey stout. Very nice.

The pint and a half format is perfect for this kind of beer. Of course, the best way to enjoy this beer would probably be sitting down at the Laurelwood with Frosty and connman with some pub grub but the next best thing has to be this. I couldn’t imagine myself drinking a six-pack of this stuff (I don’t think they even sell it that way) but it is great in a single serving.

I think I might try to make some gravy with some Vinter Varmer but I will probably end up drinking it instead.

Ok, sorry about the posting delay. My liver and I had a heart to heart, and it had asked me kindly to give it some time to recoup from the onslaught of the holiday booze fest to let it return to normal. I relented. For awhile. But with reality creeping back in to remind me of why I drink in the first place, it’s on with the review.

Long a favorite of mine at the local German Pub, Gustav’s, Spaten Optimator is one of those beers that makes you feel like swaying your mug right to left and singing some drunken pub tune. Its got a certain “I’ve never been to Germany but I bet this is what the beer there is like” taste to it that I enjoy. Dark, malty, with a bit of “foreign dark beer kick” which seems to go away the more drunk on it you get. I had 48 ounces one evening with Foobar and by the end it was the smoothest damn beer I’d ever had, and I had solved the problem of world hunger, world peace, and spilled on myself. Good times.

I give this a 4 instead of a 5 however, because as one would expect, the bottled version isn’t nearly as good as the draught you get at Gustav’s. And unless you readers happen to leave in the northwest, the bottled is all you’ll get. It’s still good, but teeters on affirming my old saying: “all beer in green bottles tastes funny”. Yeah, you heard me Heineken.

Before starting this site, this used to be one of my favorite beers. But somewhere, among the 70 or so different varieties of hoorays and hurling, it lost its way. It’s a shame really, because I bought it to help clear out the taste of that particularly bad Brazilian beer, and it failed.

Perhaps nothing short of drano could clear out a swig of Einsenbahn, or maybe my affinity for stouts is waning. I mean I trashed Snow Plow, and short of a Black & Tan at an Irish Pub one night, I haven’t really enjoyed a stout in a long time. I still give this a four however, because its the second best stout I’ve ever had.

Oh the taste? Well, its stout smooth, mellow to no aftertaste, with a hint of a flavor I can assume is “chicory”, an ingredient that a few short seconds of wikipedia surfing reveals to be essentially poor man’s coffee.

There is a certain amount of danger in letting your daughter choose a beer for you, but I couldn’t help it. Staring at the wall of beer in my local Market of Choice, I was fraught with indecision. “Honey”, I said, “what beer should daddy buy?”. “The Moose!” she replied. And such it was that I had a six pack of the unfortunately named “Moose Drool”. It is brewed by our friends at Big Sky in Montana, home of the low budget beer wrapper. And much like its other sampling we’ve had (Summer Honey), its really quite good!

Despite what the name and wrapper may imply, this nutty brown beer is real good. I’m a big fan of the nutty brown ales, and this one is no different. Slightly toasty, slightly nutty and without any drool-like aftertaste. It also has what I refer to as the “Brown Tang”, a sort of flavor that comes with browns. I like it, as it gives it a sort of signature brown ale flavor, but the wife finds it nasty, so to each their own.

So in short, although I can’t vouch for actual moose drool tasting this good, if you like Brown Ales, you’ll like Big Sky’s Moose Drool.

For those not familiar with the awkward use of semi-slang, I am in fact praising the concoction that is Full Moon. Brewed by Blue Moon Brewing, this yummy winter caught my eye as I wandered the aisle looking for something to drown out the rainy Oregon October. To date, Blue Moon has scored tops with every brew of theirs I’ve tried. Although it’s hard to assume anyone can have such a stellar record, I gave it a shot anyway.

And damn if they don’t kick the pants (again with pants!) off of Alaskan Winter Ale. With Full Moon, I can now tell what Alaskan was trying so miserably to do. Namely, brew a darker ale with some spice to it. But rather than brew it to taste like fermenting trees, Full Moon uses some manner of Dark sugar, which gives it a nice flavor without that extra dose of ass.

As a point of note, Blue Moon is currently aiming to smack down New Belgium as the best all around drunk worthy brewery. I sense a ‘Drunk Off’ brewing on the horizon.

* I would also like to disclose at this time that Blue Moon has a dirty little secret. Much like how Maverick Records is actually Warner Music, and how my happiness is subject to my wife’s whim, Blue Moon is owned by … Coors. Yes I know. It hurts a little to say so. But the guys who brew Blue Moon and its yummy variations are the same guys who started it (in the micro-brewery/pub at Coors field), just with the backing of a very nasty large corporation to mass produce. Can we forgive them? Well, with a 4 for 4 beer kickassness record, I say yes.