The only thing “spring release-y” about this stuff was the hopefully upcoming release of it a few hours later from my bladder.   Even then, it would probably be the same pitiful trickle that my first, and last, taste was.   I tried, I really tried to like it.  Honest.

I took a 6-pack of this camping along with Frosty and our families last weekend and figured that a nice cream ale would be a good choice for camping festivities.  This choice was Siriusly wrong.

Lagunitas appears to have taken this beer way too seriously and made something too “sirius” to be drinkable.   It’s a concoction that’s loosely  musty, hoppy,  and overly spiced.   My wife says it tastes like grapefruit and she willingly, YES WILLINGLY, agreed to drink the rest of this vile swill.

I’m only going to give it a 2 because previously I really have tasted worse and probably will again.  I’m saving my ONES for gag reflex inducing future Swillfests.   My faith in the American brewer has been tainted once again.

Only the “reserve beers” (Alaskan Summer Ale, Stumptown Tart, Fat Tire, etc) from the home stash saved the weekend from being a total Swill Ride.

Our next installment of the Beers of Evil comes to us from jolly old England. Brewsters Brewing Company has the distinction of being one of the few breweries with a female brewmaster. Kudos to you sister. And kudos on this beer! Wicked Women Mata Hari is named after a World War I woman labeled as “Europe’s queen of unbridled eroticism, an exotic dancer, courtesan, harlot, great lover, spendthrift, liar, deceiver and thief.” She was later convicted by the french, virtually without evidence, of being a spy for Germany and was executed by firing squad. If that’s not inspiration for a beer, then I don’t know what is.

I’ll admit, I was totally gun shy after installment one. For no good reason, I cringed as I started to drink this beer. But you know what, it was good! Its a nice copper colored ale, with a real smooth drinkability. It has a bit of fruity wheat taste, kind of like the summer wheats I dig so much. All in all, quite enjoyable. Sort of the British equivalent to “Easy Drinkin’”.

In addition to the good taste, I also have to give kudos to the Brits for the bottle. It has that funny British bottle shape, but unlike their smelly southern neighbors, it holds 1 pint, 9 ounces. That my friends, is appreciation for the drinker. And just another reason why England won the war. I’m not sure which war, but damn it I’m sure they won.

It was an indecisive day at the wall of beer. As I sat contemplating what to buy, my local beer pusher, Sally, remarked how many of the beers on the wall seemed to have a devil, evil, end of the world theme. Perhaps the brewers of America know something we don’t? I figured, well, if I have to go, I should heed the message at hand. Theme week! What better way to understand brewmaster revelations than to drink the beers themselves. For the next couple weeks or until the world ends, whichever comes first, I will be subjecting myself to and revealing to you … the Beers of Evil.

This first beer I chose, some french* job named Belzebuth, immediately grabbed my attention with its gratuitous marketing. Taking up most of the neck was the massive announcement that this beer was 13% alcohol. Savoring dreams of being piss drunk after just one bottle, I poured the bottle into a glass and realized the second thing evil about this beer.

It didn’t fill the glass! (See the picture to the right). I knew the french were annoying, but to make me angry before I’ve even had a single sip was a special accomplishment. I soon discovered however, that the bottler was actual doing me a favor.

A little bitter, but still excited, I took a sip. Reaction: “WTF is this?”. It was like I was chewing it. Full of all sorts of heavy flavors, like gulping a rotten fruit salad. I was a trooper though and resolved to get through a bit more. Thankfully the next sip didn’t taste so rotten. As a matter of fact, it didn’t taste like beer at all. It was more like tonic water with a bunch of whiskey poured in. The kind of whiskey that comes in a plastic bottle. Evil indeed. This stuff was so nasty that even though I poured it out after only three small swigs, the boozy hobo aftertaste stuck with me for the rest of the evening.

If one can call this beer, then I wouldn’t hesitate to call it about the worst beer ever. Quoth Mike Myers: “It’s not just evil, its ‘e-veel’. Like the fru-its of the de-veel”