Samuel Smith’s Organic Strawberry Fruit Ale (0/6)
Don’t drink this. Its terrible in a way that only bad fruit ale can be. Rancid sharp strawberry flavor, in otherwise fine ale. Admittedly, I didn’t expect it to be any good, but even I was surprised just how little I was able to drink before I had to pour it out.

Red Hook 8-4-1 Expedition Ale (1/6)
Your mileage may vary on this one, but I just didn’t like it. There was something about it that didn’t jive with my taste buds, and I was generally unhappy with the results. It’s not terrible, rather just the epitome of “That boy ain’t right”.

Full Sail LTD 02 (4/6)
Yay LTD! I just love this stuff. It’s on the maltier end of the Easy Drinkin’ spectrum, but it definitely qualifies as a cooler filler if the occasion arises.

Bridgeport Blue Heron Pale Ale (4/6)
Up to this point, Bridgeport’s Haymaker was holding the crown as one of my favorite Easy Drinkin’ beers. But now that I have had this, I think Bridgeport may have unseated itself. It’ll be perfect for the July 4th BBQ, when you force those family members who drink Budweiser products (…sorry I just threw up a little in my mouth…) to drink quality beer. Easy, non-offensive, tasty.

Great Divide Collette Farmhouse Ale (5/6)
I like Farmhouse Ales, but usually just for tasting. They tend to be a bit strong for a six pack or even a full 22. Collette, however, is an exception. This ale is great. And, although being farmhouse tasty (mmm…farm taste), its mellow enough to be had regularly. Or in large quantities *drunken stumble*

Widmer Sunburn Ale (2/6)
The blogosphere gave this beer a lot of happy thoughts recently, but I just didn’t see why. Widmer has decided to use some new “Citra-hop” variety of hops, which although novel, is super distracting to the taste. Its like beer flavored orange juice. Not a fan.

Dick’s Pale Ale (2/6)
Despite promising to do a huge run of Dick’s posts, I purposefully didn’t mention this one. Not because it’s bad, but just because it practically non-existent. It takes Pale to a new level by being the taste equivalent to translucence (see I know big words!).

Jonathan Edwards “Lost Finale” Lager (4/6)
I round out this blast of posts with a nod to our favorite local homebrewer Jonathan Edwards. Recently, he dropped this German Lager down on my desk, and I can happily say it was yet another notch in his impressive homebrew collection. Its crisp yummy taste helped drown out the sorrows of watching the Lost Finale. And made me buzzed enough to not care about the cheesy cork in the island scene. Prost!

– This is a beer called “Beer From Mars”, and has a picture of Mars on the label.

– Despite being from Mars, the name is in French.

– Comes in a big fat bottle with a champagne-style cork.

– Prominently mentions that its brewed with Brettanomyces Bruxellensis, a wild yeast that creates more sediment than I’ve had in a beer since I accidentally (on purpose) dropped an onion ring into my Pabst.

– Brewed by the Ommegang Brewery, who also brew “Ommegeddon”.

Clearly, this is a beer in need of a hook.  Too subtle!  No personality!  Wait, no, I got that wrong — this is a beer that needs about three less hooks.  “Beer from Mars”?  OK, you got me, I’m a science nerd and I pretty much have no choice but to try it.  But why is it in French?  Here’s my guess:  wild mutant yeast, concocted in a clandestine baguette / beret laboratory in Paris, achieves sentience and immediately set about pursuing a space program.  Thwarted at every turn by lack of reliable second stage boosters and opposable thumbs for golfing on the moon, the Brettanomyces colony forms a thick sludge at the bottom of a bottle, which I then purchase and drink.  Yeah, that sounds about right.

Thankfully, the flavor is quite subtle and understated, a soothing contrast to the jarring thematic juxtapositions on the label.  Nooo, not really!  It’s good, but it’s a big bold mess,  just as WTF-y as the outside.  (It’s a word now.  Rhymes with “swifty”.  So there.)   Really flavorful, very tart, almost like you did a tequila-like ritual involving a shot of beer, a bite of lemon wedge, and a lick of Greek yogurt off your hand.  (Regretting that image.  Much happier about bringing “WTF-y” into the world than that yogurt metaphor abomination.)  It’s very tart, fruity, all-around really bold zesty beer.  This is apparently a result of the wild yeast, which (according to the label) “imparts added tartness, extra zing, and a touch of funk”.  I thought I tasted some Rick James…   Anyway, I do recommend this beer, though it ain’t for sipping in quiet contemplation by the fire.  This beer is best paired with any type of food that requires you clean your fingers with a wet-nap afterward, and best enjoyed while listening to loud live music, preferably a band named “A Touch of Funk”.  Except in French.

The original marionberry Stumptown Tart set a new standard for fruit/beer integration. In addition to being wildly delicious, it was a great “ale” flavor that used the flavors of the marionberry without being too overboard. When the second ST came out, it was a Cherry Wheat. This time, the cherry played a more prominent role, since the wheat element of the beer made for a much lighter beer flavor. This time around, however, good ol’ Stumptown Tart has gone all in with Oregon red raspberry. Or rather, OMG ITS RASPBERRY!!!!

On first pour, the raspberry makes its presence known with a real strong “fresh raspberry” smell. And the first sip? RASPBERRY! This beer has the distinction of being one of the first beers I’ve had that tastes exactly like it smells. Sweet, sweet, alcoholic raspberry. Not the lame “raspberry flavor” you are used to mind you, or even raspberries you may buy at a local Big-E-Mart. This is earthy, fresh, real raspberry flavor, and it’s fantastic.

Now you may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned the beer aspect of this. There’s a reason for that. In what seems like a trend, this year’s ST has even less “beer-y” flavor than the year before. Although it’s made with a Belgian Tripel, they advertise it as a “Framboise”, which in my book defines itself as “Really F-ing Alcoholic Fruit Juice”. And boy is it. In an article on Wikipedia, they make mention that “Framboise is usually served in a small glass that resembles a champagne glass, only shorter”. Stumptown? Nah, that comes in a 22oz. So at 7.7% ABV, you can imagine how high I was flying when I finished my bottle. Just a word of warning.

I now realize that I’ve made in pretty far into the column without ever mentioning if it was any good. For that, I apologize, because it was really good. Crisp, light, refreshing, and wickedly fruity. I imagine it might mellow with age, but for now, drinking it immediately makes me wish to be outside on a warm summer day, instead of watching the rain and hail abuse my patio cover. This beer is perfect for those occasions when you are outside goofing with friends, burning steaks on the grill, and setting your neighbors bushes on fire with a stray bottle rocket. I highly recommend stocking the July 4th BBQ cooler with several of these refreshing beauties. Just be careful not to think that the fun fruit flavor is a tame one. Prost!

But let’s begin. Let me introduce today’s entry. This is Hell or High Watermelon from 21st Amendment Brewery. It comes in a can. It’s brewed with watermelon juice. And it tastes awful.

There is no bitterness to the flavor at all, but I actually think that is a bad thing here. If it had any other characteristics, even cheek smash, I would have had something more clever to say than “it tastes awful”. But I don’t. The best way to describe the experience of drinking this, is to give you a play by play:

1. Pour. Its kind of foamy, but not obnoxious. Typical light beer type pour.
2. Smell. Not bad. Vaguely watermelon-y. Even though I knew this was going to be a tough swallow, I had an actual glimmer of hope at this point.
3. Taste
   1. Light. Not much to it. Hardly more substantial than water.
   2. Ok there is a hint of the watermelon, but…
   3. What is that … fish? ugh…watermelon ala’ fish scales.
   4. (At this point my face kind of scrunched up, and I drank some Tabasco to get the flavor out of my mouth)
4. Pour in the sink. Sorry about that sink.

It’s not the worst beer I’ve ever had. I didn’t cringe, spit it out or want to vomit. But it is really bad. It’s just sort of the definition of what “this tastes bad”, is supposed to taste like.

Believe it or not, I really don’t like giving bad reviews. I love craft brewers, and encourage them to experiment with awesome beers to make us dance and cheer. But since this is clear violation of Frosty Edict #4 – “Enough With The Watermelon”, the voice of the people needed to be heard. So thanks Billy. Thanks for dropping off something on my desk that was as terrible as expected, packaged in BPA lined cans, and nearly ruined my egg sandwich.

You’d think I’d learn after trying an import from Poland (“cool!”) that turned out to be their Malt Liquor (“dag nabbit!”) that trying odd Eastern European imports with labels in foreign languages is a wild gamble.  But if you’ve been reading my posts so far, you now know that I never learn.  Those brain cells died in a puddle of Schlitz long ago.  This time, it’s from Mother Russia — Baltika Number 6, which is something called a “Baltic Porter”.  In keeping with my policy of never learning, I have also not done my homework to figure out exactly what that is, but I drink on, nonetheless.

Baltika Numero Six is not bad, just off a bit.  Not skunky, despite the intercontinental trip to Socal.  None of the flavors are bad, though there are a LOT of them.  Not too astringent, though I was expecting the first sip to dissolve my front teeth, as so often happens with extra-strong imports.  But it’s just… different — an odd mismash of flavors that don’t quite all work together.  Something’s just not quite right — maybe something’s lost in the translation, maybe this is what Baltic Porters are supposed to be, but I’m not buyin’ it.  Why not?  Check out their website – you can look up the Baltika’s official homepage for all their beers (they run from 1 through 9).  For Number 6, you’ll see a strange juxtaposition of hip, modern Russian youngster spinnin’ trax on the DJ set on the left, next to this description of Baltika No. 6 on the right:

“Baltika’s porter is one of the most eminent varieties of Russian beer with a long heritage.  Energy value: 60 kilocalories per 100 g of beer.  Nutritional value: not more than 6.0 g of carbohydrates per 100 g of beer.”

Wow — that has to be the most arid, scientific beer slogan I’ve ever seen.  Keep in mind, this is on their official website, where you’re supposed to sing the praises of your product, not post half of an AP Chemistry word problem.  And it about sums it up for Baltika No. 6 — like the emergence of Russian glam rock bands after glastnost, Baltika No. 6 is just a little too alien for my taste.

So it was with some trepidation that I sat down with my on again off again lover, New Belgium, to try their latest fruit beer concoction. The first thing I noticed was the audaciousness of it. This wasn’t your standard “gonna try it but not commit” 22 oz, but rather a full on 6 pack of bottles. Buying a six pack of something like this is a real commitment of trust between the brewer and the buyer. As in, this better be good, or there will be 5 unused bottled flying through the air toward Fort Collins.

Thankfully, due to a sale at the beer swiller, I took that leap of faith, and brought home a 6 pack. Now, home, I popped one open and braced myself. I was ready for tang, I was ready for yuck, but what I wasn’t ready for was….what the hey, this is good! It was a nice mellow brown ale, with a raspberry flavor that complimented it, without punching your tastebuds with a “HEY IM RASPBERRY, TASTE ME!”. In the summer time, sipping a beer in the shade by the grill, this Ale would be a perfect easy drinker; an ideal fruity escape from the cheap boxed wine your neighbor brings to the 4th of July party.

It is a bit sweet, so one a day certainly was enough (still not quite sure about the 6 pack thing), but I must tip my hat to old NB for making something that did the fruit beer world proud.

Having missed the Oregon Brewfest this year, SwillJockey and I felt like perhaps we had cheated a bit, and in the interest of not losing our “beer snob” cards, we decided it would be best to grab a collection of brews, and do the second edition of our patented Drink-O-Rama. This years round of 8 new beers, included some foreign, some fruity, and some just plain nasty. One of the worst even counted as all three. For the next eight days, I’ll be highlighting each of the beers we dared ourselves to drink. When complete, you will understand the depths we go through to report things on this website.

First up was a crazy little number from the folks at Dogfish Head called Midas Touch. I had seen this beer in the aisle before, but never thought to actually pick it up. Why? I’ll let the description on the bottle tell you: “Handcrafted Ancient Ale with barley, honey, white muscat grapes, and saffron.” Yeah that. The brewers claim it is the oldest known beer(?) recipe. All I can say, is that there is a reason that our ancestors stopped making it. Ew. Frankly, I just couldn’t get over the taste. Somewhere between grape juice, beer, and gross. This one got the abominal one swish sinker from both SwillJockey and I. I suppose on a different day I could have had the whole thing, but at this point I was still sober. The ladies liked it for some reason, but then, there is no accounting for taste. They married us after all.

Notes from the peanut gallery:

Average score: 2.0. Tomorrow, we continue our fruit beer adventure with Sam Adams…

If popularity were the best way to judge a beer then Bud and Corona would be at the top of everyone’s list.  Just the same, there is probably a reason why you don’t see more sorghum and rice beers.  I’ll try almost anything once and I wouldn’t want to steer anyone away from trying this beer either.   As a new experience it was worth the price of the bottle.  But if it’s an acquired taste, I’ll probably never find out.

It’s always a little scary to go into a sequel when you loved the original so much. As you may remember, the original Stumptown Tart still holds as my favorite beer of all time. So when I heard they were remaking it with a new formula, I was super hesitant. I was also however super impatient, so without waiting for it make it to the local store, I drove downtown to pick up a bunch of bottles from the Bridgeport Brewery. (Before I go on, I would like to point out that buying beer at the brewery is ridiculously cheaper than buying it at the store. Still love you — Belmont Station!)

So I fired up the BBQ, poured a bottle into a cool glass, and took a sip. Now, when I went to the new Star Trek movie last week (awesome!), it took a while to really get into it, because I had to put out of my mind the movies and shows that had come before it, and accept it on its own (Winona Ryder?). This beer was much the same. I finished the whole bottle, but actually refused to do any reviewing at all until I had a second bottle (not right away…geez I’m not that much of a drunk).

It was after finishing off the second bottle with Grandpa Goodbeer that I decided this beer had really come into its own. It’s a cherry wheat, which if Sam Adams is any indication, can be done very, very wrong. Luckily, Bridgeport knows how to do what so very few brewers do, and that is to make a fruit beer that doesn’t feel like you are getting a swirly in a beer tinged fruit salad. This stuff is great. The fruit is really low key, and the aged ale gives just the tiniest hint of sourness.

The only downside was reported by the wife, who had a real problem with the smell of the beer … which to be honest did have a hint of ‘wet dog’. Luckily I’m a mouth breather with allergy congestion, so this issue evaded me. Still, I figured I’d mention it just to warn you ’smell endowed’ folks.

In all, although ST2 isn’t quite the elixir of love its predecessor was, its still a super awesome beer. Not Wrath of Khan, but way better than Matrix Revolutions. Movie analogies now exhausted, it’s further proof that Bridgeport is the ‘awesomest of awesome’ craft brewery around.