Part 2 in my continuing series on Beers Whose Artwork Can Kick Your Ass. The giant blue bull flaring its nostrils at me from the 24-oz can of Schlitz I bought should have been a clue as to what this stuff would do to my stomach. Much like the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, the Running of the Schlitz through my digestive tract the other night led to lots of goring, trampling, and internal organs running for cover. My gall bladder jumped out of the way just in time, climbing up to the top of my ribs to avoid the rampaging $1.19 beer. This crap is horrible! I guess that’s no surprise — you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Really, Schiltz is not that great-tasting of a beer? Thanks a bunch, Mr. beer-rater-guy. Next, can you get to work on that whole global warming issue.”

So why do this to myself? Why should I complain, when after all, I’m named “Walt Liquor”? More to the point, why should you bother reading it? Because I believe there are tolerable cheap beers, and then there are ungodly awful cheap beers. And it is worth it, nay it is imperative, that we figure out which is which. Because if you’ve only got $2.19 to spend, you might as well spend it intelligently.  And my friends, Schilz is NOT the way to spend that money.

That, and I’m too cheap to buy an expensive microbrew every time I want to review a beer…

*Have you ever wondered why mormons don’t drink? This is why.

Now I was warned about how pitiful the beers were in Utah my my brother in law. I had the chance to visit Zion this past week were it was a balmy 115 degrees everyday, and I figured that a nice pint might take the edge of screaming kids and schweaty ballz. After plunking down my $5 at the Zion Pizza & Noodle Company I was ready to taste something better than the camp site water I had been drinking thus far. Shoulda stuck to the water.

Best way to describe this beer is by describing the taste:
(intentionally left blank.)

There is hope that there might be a better brew in Utah, but Im not gonna take a chance again. At least the camp site water was free.

Even their brewery dog thinks its crap.

* total generality. in fact if you are mormon I hope you drink. alot.