From Pizza Ports website on ole viscosity:

“Not your Dad’s Wimpy 30 Weight is how our original label used to describe this massive chewy and thick beer. Code named by our brewers-”The Big Black Nasty,” this is monstrous dark ale is brewed to no particular style. Thick and sludgy like oil from the crankcase of a wheat threshing combine, Old Viscosity blurs the boundaries of Porter, Stout, Old Ale and Barleywines.

Ok so its been a while since I drank this. But before I go to far into this, you should know that I have had a colonoscopy, and they make you drank this terrible stuff to purge your colon so your doc doesn’t have to stare at the cheeseburger you ate a few days prior. Well that experience was awful, the damage this did to me was almost instant. They compare this brew to motor oil. I think IT IS motor oil. Imagine the darkest porter you’ve ever had. This is darker. And thicker. This is the kind of beer that I want to serve to those jackasses that think Guinness is a really thick strong beer. I meow in your direction.

Its hard giving this a mug, because from my personal experience its really a 1, but in looking around the internet people that love this kind of beer freaking LOVE this beer. Yeah, they probably look like the kind of people who drank this. Pizza Port’s Wipeout IPA is right now my favorite beer, and if it wasn’t for the fact I had a wipeout (look for a review coming soon) before this old viscosity, I would have never tried another brew from them.

Oh, and thanks honey for buying extra flushable wipes, my buttcheeks thank you.

Part 2 in my continuing series on Beers Whose Artwork Can Kick Your Ass. The giant blue bull flaring its nostrils at me from the 24-oz can of Schlitz I bought should have been a clue as to what this stuff would do to my stomach. Much like the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, the Running of the Schlitz through my digestive tract the other night led to lots of goring, trampling, and internal organs running for cover. My gall bladder jumped out of the way just in time, climbing up to the top of my ribs to avoid the rampaging $1.19 beer. This crap is horrible! I guess that’s no surprise — you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Really, Schiltz is not that great-tasting of a beer? Thanks a bunch, Mr. beer-rater-guy. Next, can you get to work on that whole global warming issue.”

So why do this to myself? Why should I complain, when after all, I’m named “Walt Liquor”? More to the point, why should you bother reading it? Because I believe there are tolerable cheap beers, and then there are ungodly awful cheap beers. And it is worth it, nay it is imperative, that we figure out which is which. Because if you’ve only got $2.19 to spend, you might as well spend it intelligently.  And my friends, Schilz is NOT the way to spend that money.

That, and I’m too cheap to buy an expensive microbrew every time I want to review a beer…