I will start off by saying that with the buttload of beers available at the 2008 Brewfest, I’d halfway expect to find an overly hopped keg of something brewed with Charlton Heston’s Soylent corpse amongst the offerings.  If I was to name it, it might be called “SOYLENT NRA IPA”.  This would be a good thing, even though I probably wouldn’t be inclined to swill a glass of anything brewed containing Martha Stewart’s Soylent corpse in payment for stealing her catch phrase.   That would be wrong in oh so many ways.

Wrong in oh so many ways was the sheer glut of people at the Brewfest early in the day on Saturday.  Frosty and I were somewhat surprised by the enormity of the crowds and the lines for beer.    These things in isolation may not have been horrible, but with the site arrayed as it was, you couldn’t navigate through the crush of people to find where the beer lines ended and where the slothful masses of Portland decided to park their beer swilling asses.   Even so, I did manage to try four offerings and was increasingly disappointed as each foul, but temptingly named, brew assaulted my gasping taste buds.   I was ready to put the poor things out of their misery after taste #3, but tried one more swill hoping to salvage what few remained.

Next year I think I may offer up my services as a ‘Beer Logistician’ and try to inject a little bit of sanity and order into the festivities that have clearly outgrown this outdated setup.  Maybe then I can make better beer choices too.

The one bright spot of the hour or two spent in this roiling sea of humanity was the short trip to the “Beer Chips” tent to pick up a snack and a eye full of the gold lame wrapped models selling $1 bags of chips.   Both the chips and the models were things of beauty.  Alas, only one of the two were we allowed to shove in our mouths and that ended up being the chips.

We tried two of their three varieties.  The baseline “Beer” flavored offering was fantastic.  Salty, slightly sweet, and faintly beery.  A fantastic chip all around.  The Spicy Bloody Mary chips weren’t spicy and only very faintly “bloody” by tasting vaguely of ketchup.   Not a fantastic chip, but still very edible.  I was hoping for something different and didn’t get it with the Bloody Mary chips.  My reviews are often tainted with the disappointment of crushed expectations.   Can’t win them all.

Assuming that I’m willing to man-up and attempt another Brewfest run next year, it’ll definitely be the plan to show up right at opening on any of the four days of the run.  Any later than that and beer loses its appeal when you have to grind up against humanity in order to sample the questionable Brewfest offerings.   Till next year……

April is my birthday month and I am lucky enough to have good friends and family who love me. Sometimes people show their love and/or friendship in different ways. Some give kisses, some hugs, some bring the hard rocking. I am here to say nothing says love like the gift of beer. Frosty delivered a surprise package of three Ninkasi point twos (thanks to Liddell I know what that means). I’ve enjoyed the three distinct brews over the last few days.

In part one I’ll cover my favorite of the three; the Ninkasi Tricerahops Double IPA. But first, a little background on Ninkasi and my introduction to it.

I first heard of Ninkasi at John Barleycorn’s tavern in Tigard. I sat at the local McMenaman’s with my friend Ken listening to him, a fellow beer connoisseur, rant about how mediocre McMenaman’s beer is. Personally, I’ve never had a problem with a nice Rubinator (Terminator and Ruby) but I have encountered some interesting flavors in the past. In the end, I respect Ken’s opinion and like him, will continue to drink the swill the McMenemin brothers are serving.

As we were talking, Ken motioned to a nearby table interested in the conversation taking place. Evidently, the table guests were made up of some McMeniman’s big-wigs and the brewmaster from Ninkasi. Ken wondered what they could be talking about and pondered who it would be better for, McMenemin’s or Ninkasi. After a few minutes Jamie Floyd, Ninkasi brewmaster and owner, came over and said hi to Ken. Being fellow Eugenians they had met before. I was struck by how Jamie talked about his brews. He described them the way an artist talks about a series of paintings. He described them with beauty and vision. I had to try his beer. Its taken a few months and an especially painful close call at the Ship (in Multnohmah Village) but Frosty delivered Ninkasi to my doorstep.

So how does it taste damn it! Tricerahops Double IPA doesn’t disappoint. The first thing that took me was the complexity of the flavor. Hops for sure, but not just hops. Many brewers think they can create a great IPA  just by doubling or tripling the hops. Lagunitas and Rogue have been able to do it successfully but most fail with thundering cheek-smash.

Ninkasi Tricerahops Double IPA is a work of art.

The other night I sat down to watch the Comedy Central roast of Flavor Flav, and cracked me open a 40 of Steel Reserve. Somehow the perception shift induced by malt liquor renders Flava more normal and understandable.  At the first sip, you’re still approximately sober, and Flava appears (correctly) to be from Mars.  About halfway down, he starts making more sense, and so by the time you’re nearing the bottom of the bottle, it looks to you like you’re watching George Plimpton read from the Economist.  Once you finish off the last foamy disgusting swig, you’re officially a producer on three tracks on the latest Ol Dirty Bastard album. 

Part three in my tony-nominated series of reviews, Beers Whose Artwork Can Kick Your Ass, Steel Reserve is yet another malt liquor beer that I (a pencil-necked balding geek who could get sunburnt from a dashboard light) have absolutely no business drinking.  And yet, it wasn’t bad.  If drinking Schlitz is like punching yourself in the face with a cinder block, Steel Reserve is like slugging yourself in the stomach with a can of pumpkin pie mix.  (And of course Miller Lite is like a weak slap to the face with an envelope of petunia seeds.)   It didn’t have the sharp skunkiness or odd medicine-y taste that the really bad malt liquors have in that first whiff — served sufficiently cold, Steel Reserve will admirably serve your purposes if your purposes are funded at less than the 3 dollar level. 

I realized in writing this review that I should research why the hell there’s a “211″ on the label, and discovered it’s the medieval symbol for “steel”.  There, someone can now use this blog as a book report.  While you’re at it, include this little nugget (and remember to cite wikipedia):  “Due to the high alcohol content and low price, Steel Reserve is widely consumed by alcoholic homeless people.”  Which brings into stark relief for me who the target audience is for my set of reviews on Frosty Goodness.  Unfortunately Steel Reserve is banned in parts of Seattle for this reason (drunken homeless crime, not my posts on this website).  So I heartily recommend this El Cheapo beer, and urge you to try it before it is inevitably banned by your metropolitan area.  911 might be a joke, but 211 makes for one wild night with five-foot-three former rappers…

Last Thursday night my daughter and I had soccer practice and afterwards were on our own for dinner. We drive by Thai Roses every night after practice so we decided to finally give it a try. My daughter tried a Thai iced tea (since it was her first time eating Thai food) and I decided to follow the advice of the table card which said, ” To know Thailand, know Chang.” Adorned with elephants and Thai-looking stuff (anthropology term), the little fold-up table garbage looked credible.

My daughter’s pad thai was passable and bland enough not to scare her off but the Thai iced tea was too sweet for even an 11 year old. My musuman curry was too sweet for my tastes, but I have to admit that I didn’t really ask for spice. As for my beer, I guess I actually do know Thailand. Cause if you know Budweiser, you know Chang. Lets just say that the number one beer in Thailand got there the same way the number one beer in America got there. Volume.

The high-volume taste of Budweiser brings the “clean, crisp” taste of white-trash America to the rich culture of Thailand the same way George W. Bush is bringing democracy to Iraq. Yeah!